


admit that you've fallen

by orphan_account



Series: 2nd POV Drabbles [10]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 10:28:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5582225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he doesn’t deserve you, you tell yourself. he’d never like me back, he’d be better off without me anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	admit that you've fallen

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry

your heart’s pounding, head swimming, mind reeling, but it’s not enough. your nails scrape over your scalp, creating patterns as they twist and turn in your hair, searching for purchase, trying to scratch the thoughts out of your head.

 _he doesn’t deserve you_ , you tell yourself. _he’d never like me back, he’d be better off without me anyway._

 _no_ , your best friend tells you. _you’re a wonderful person, please don’t be so hard on yourself._

you wish you could believe him.

 

* * * * *

 

 _i think he looks really attractive_ , he tells his friends, your best friend included. you can’t stop smiling.

later at night when you’re all alone in your bed, hugging the sheets as a substitute for the thought of him, you can’t fall asleep.

 _i know my body looks good_ , you think to yourself. _it’s my face that’s the problem._

 

* * * * *

 

 _i’m in love with him_ , you tell your friend. they look at you for a moment before turning back, looking up at the glass planes of the roof.

 _why him? you don’t even know him_ , they tell you.

you look at the ground and smile. you might not know him but he makes your heart beat faster and your head spin.

 

* * * * *

 

you’re on a holiday break and you haven’t seen him for a week. every time you think about him you smile, but inside you break apart bit by bit because you _want_ but you can’t have.

he changes the profile picture of the group chat. it used to be a less than flattering picture of him.

 _aw someone changed the picture_ , you type out and press send before you can rethink it.

 _sorry_ , he replies and your heart’s pounding, your hands shaking and you don’t know what to do. you never talk but you want to, you want to get to know him and hug him and hold his hand but you can’t.

 _how dare you :p_ , you send back and you throw your cell to the other side of the room.

you calm down after thirty minutes and even then your hands are still shaking.

 

* * * * *

 

 _he might like you back_ , your best friend tells you. _you don’t know that._

you stare at the screen for a second, at your fingers that struggle to find a response.

 _maybe he does_ , you permit yourself think. _what if he does._

you almost hurt yourself again. you can’t allow yourself to think that, you can’t allow yourself to hope, because hope is a dangerous thing and this happened before, you don’t want it to happen again.

 _probably not_ , you reply.

you don’t add, _because no one ever will, especially not him._

**Author's Note:**

> forgive me i’m being melodramatic but what can i say anxiety’s a bitch
> 
>  
> 
> [my tumblr](http://demisexualhowell.tumblr.com)


End file.
